Bridget Jones' Twitter
by bethamphetamine
Summary: Bridget Jones has moved into the electronic age and gets herself a Twitter account.


Authors Note: FF doesn't allow character symbols so can't do proper "at" where appropriate. Instead, Twitter user names are bolded.

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My first Twitter! Hello!

No, first "Tweet", apparently.

Shazzer helping.

Jude also on Twitter. Hi Jude!

Shazzer says have to put funny "at" symbol in front of names so people know when you're talking about them.

So hi **shazzer_g**, hi **heyjude_25**

Oh. Have to follow people to talk to them. **shazzer_g** helped.

Am now following **shazzer_g** and **heyjude_25**

Still don't really understand what it's all about though.

**heyjude_25** says is about following celebrities to see what they're doing.

Am following **stephenfry**

Oooh! **stephenfry** doing stuff!

**stephenfry** goes for a lot of walks, doesn't he?

**shazzer_g** has now told me about retweeting (RT) and hash tags and everything! Feel like proper Twitterer.

Following **tomfabulous**

Am feeling so connected to my urban family! Love Twitter!

RT **tomfabulous**: Bridget! You look so thin!

Hate it when he does that. Always think I've lost weight then realise he can't see me.

Have Photoshopped profile pic though.

Following **wossy**

Following **britneyspears**

Following **ashtonkutcher**

Following **mrskutcher**

Fancy a chocolate croissant and a cappuccino. Must resist and be good though. Seeing Mark Darcy tonight.

Goody, time for lunch. Wish could Twitter away from desk.

OMG, can Twitter from phone! **shazzer_g** helped. Love Twitter!

Am heading to café. Think will have the salad.

Back from lunch. Had chocolate croissant and cappuccino. Was too cold for salad.

Shut up, **tomfabulous**

Love sitting in café Twittering on phone. Look like had loads of friends and getting loads of texts.

Wonder if can Twitter from phone during sales meeting.

Am im sbles mfftimg! Hidimg qhone vnder derk.

Must learn to touch type on phone. Thought was quite good.

Twitter better than Facebook. FB full of Smug Marrieds and hair-flicky snobs from school who want to bump up friends list.

Naturally, accept all friend requests though so they can see how fabulous one is as a Singleton. A dating Singleton, that is.

**shazzer_g** says you can make all Twitters Facebook status updates too. Shall I . . .?

No, just remembered Una Alconbury on Facebook. Might want to Twitter about shagging Mark Darcy!

Mmm, looking forward to Mark Darcy tonight.

Will tell him he must get Twitter account so can follow him and see what he's doing all day!

Home time, yay.

On the tube. Twittering from phone. Smells bad. Tube, not phone.

Old man across from me, looking lecherous.

Old man still looking lecherous.

Old man fiddling with his trousers.

Old man is

Moved carriages.

Home now, slightly traumatised by tube. Glass of wine to calm self.

Preparing for dinner with Mark Darcy! Have perfect dress.

Perfect dress looks less than perfect. Tummy poking out in manner not evident in changing room at shop.

Regret chocolate croissant and cappuccino at lunch. Glass of wine to calm self.

Where is good pair flattering tights?

Still looking for tights.

TIIIIIIIIIGHTS!!

Glass of wine to calm self.

Hmmm. Suspect tights may be down the back of couch at Mark Darcy's as distinctly remember having them on then off last Friday night.

Gah! Must now change entire outfit due to lack of tights.

RT **tomfabulous**: still have tummy-flattening scary knickers?

**tomfabulous** my saviour. Can now wear perfect dress.

Hair has gone floppy. Must re-joosh.

Right. Think look okay. Lovely new MAC eyeshadow. Must now dash downstairs as taxi has been waiting ages.

In taxi. Ankle hurts. Stupid strappy sandals.

At restaurant. Mark Darcy slightly grumpy at perceived lateness but think offset by perfect dress.

Telling Mark Darcy all about Twitter!

Humph. Turns out Mark Darcy knows all about Twitter and uses it to follow politicians and other lawyers.

Mark Darcy has banned Twittering in his presence. Am currently in loo.

Dinner lovely. Also lovely afterwards in flat. Can Twitter from dfjfejkgdfg

GAH! Mark Darcy woke up and had to hide phone. Am now in kitchen pretending to get a drink of water.

Wonder if should follow Mark Darcy after all. Would see when secretly Twittering.

Found Mark Darcy on Twitter. Looking through his friends.

GAH! Is following Rebecca!!

Storm back into bedroom to confront Tweet treachery.

Mark Darcy explains couldn't reject Rebecca as still work with her and would be awkward.

Ask why hasn't followed self yet. Points out have not requested.

Gah! Now have to follow! Can you delete Tweets?

YES! Love **shazzer_g**.

***deleted Mark Darcy-related tweets***

Following **markjdarcy**

Hello **markjdarcy**

RT **markjdarcy**: Hello **bridgetjones**

Beat that, Rebecca ***deleted***

Cold this morning. **markjdarcy** insists on going in to work. Is Saturday!

Following **oprah**

Following **cosmopolitan**

Who needs to get out of bed?

Fancy a chocolate croissant and cappuccino. Wish café did home delivery.

Getting up now.

Really getting up now.

Okay, am up.

At café. No chocolate croissants left. Having custard tart instead.

Shut up, **tomfabulous**.

Wonder what **markjdarcy** is doing?

RT **markjdarcy**: **bridgetjones** - can't talk, in meeting with legal counsel

Humph!

Ooh, am being followed by **tania16**, whoever that is! A new friend! Love the internet. And Twitter.

Following **tania16**

Hmm, **tania16** seems to be trying flooding my updates page to entice me to check out her webcam.

How do I get rid of **tania16**?

Thanks **shazzer_g**, **heyjude_25** and **tomfabulous**

Blocked **tania16**

Home from café. Is cold. Back to bed to conserve energy. Am very concerned about greenhouse emissions.

Love electric blankets.

Ooh! More followers!

Followers are more people I don't know. Blocking them.

Am addicted to Facebook "Pick Your 5". Currently doing "Five People I've Been Told I Look Like"

RT **tomfabulous:** Renee Zellweger. Don't think so.

RT **tomfabulous**: Kate Moss. Now is just being stupid.

Scrapping that one. Gone for "Five Things I Don't Leave The House Without"

Hmm, is tough. Have got keys, phone, purse, Juicy Tube and . . . ?

RT **tomfabulous, shazzer_g, hey_jude25**: Packet of Silk Cut. Yes! ***deleted***

No packet of Silk Cut as do not smoke. Polo Mints, yes.

Wonder what **markjdarcy** is doing?

RT **markjdarcy**: About to have meeting with QC and barristers. Will call later.

Humph.

Wonder if Rebecca in meeting with Mark Darcy ***deleted***

OMG! Just checked email. Being followed by Daniel Cleaver!!!!

Looking at Daniel Cleaver's profile. Is following 981 people. Think all female. Humph. ***deleted***

Shall I follow back? ***deleted***

Following **cleave_d**

Not going to RT messages from so-called friends **shazzer_g, tomfabulous, heyjude_25**

RT **cleave_d**: Jones, you naughty girl. How are you?

**cleave_d** Hello Daniel. Wonderful, successful. Madly in love with Mark Darcy.

Not going to RT rude messages from **cleave_d** re: Mark Darcy ***deleted***

Not going to RT rude messages from **cleave_d** re **bridgetjones**

Think following **cleave_d** bad idea. May have to block.

RT **cleave_d**: Jones, please don't block me. I'll be good. Or bad, if you prefer.

Blocked **cleave_d**

Blocked **dcleaver**

Blocked **dancleaver**

Blocked **danielxcleaver** (x? Honestly)

Blocked **bridgetjoneslvr**

Blocked **pls_jones**

RT **markjdarcy**: **cleave_d** Back off Cleaver

Oooh! Wonder if will fight again over self? ***deleted***

Ooh, phone! Might be Mark Darcy!

Humph. Is Mum.

NOOOOOO, Mum asking self about Twitter.

Told her was unfashionable and bourgeois. Think she believed?

Phone again! Might be Mark Darcy!

GAH, Mum again. Let go to voicemail.

NOOOO, being followed by **mrsjones55**. DOOOOOOM.

***bridgetjones Twitter profile deleted***


End file.
